New Poster for Knoxville, June 24 is here! W/ J Lalonde and Billy Wayne Davis!

Beavers, LaCroix, Gerbil and Horses back in 1994. Photo by Beth Takamora.

Tucson, AZ — After nearly three decades in obscurity, a long-lost EP by Tucson-based grunge cult act Full Bush Girlfriend has been rediscovered and is finally set for release. The band—Doug Beavers (vocals/guitar), Jim LaCroix (bass), Gerbil (drums), and Brandon Horses (lead guitar)—was a fixture in Arizona’s early-’90s underground sceneand even opened for Candlebox at the Tucson Convention Center in 1994.

Their rediscovered self-titled EP includes two tracks recorded in 1994. Long thought destroyed in a studio flood, the master tapes were recently found by Beavers in an old storage locker.

“When I popped open that case, I honestly thought it was going to be a box of VHS tapes,” said frontman Doug Beavers. “Instead, it was our old reels. I just sat there staring at them for twenty minutes before I called the guys.”

The band’s only single, “Things are Getting Hairy,” became a local favorite during the height of the grunge explosion, but this is the first time fans will hear the deeper side of their songwriting, like in the dark brooding song “Horizon.”

“These two songs feel like a time capsule,” added bassist Jim LaCroix. “It’s raw, it’s messy, but it’s us at 17 years old, trying to figure out the world with loud guitars.”

Full Bush Girlfriend is contemplating a tour to support the release of the record.

1990's blind melon candlebox Comedy doug grunge improv la dispensary mother love bone mudhoney nirvana pearl jam rock Seattle SNL soundgarden Zach Selwyn
Back in 1994, just three weeks into a relationship that I swore would last forever, my hippie Phish-loving girlfriend “Rainbeaux” announced that she was, “giving up toilet paper” as a way to preserve the environment.

“I’m sorry, what?” I responded.

“Look at the facts,” Rainbeaux said. “Every time we use a pre-fab product like toilet paper, we are destroying not only the rainforest, but the redwoods and like, all the natural resources of our planet… It’s a no-brainer for me.”

“Well, it’s a boner-killer for me,” I thought to myself.

If Rainbeaux wasn’t so fascinating and beautiful, I would have run away immediately… Instead, I did my best to question her plan.

“So… like, what are you gonna use when you…uhh – you know, go to the bathroom?” I asked her, calmly.

“It’s called Hmong Hill Hemp Cloth from Thailand,” she explained. “A guy who I met on last Phish Tour introduced me to it. It’s made from undernourished plant cloth and hemp fibers and It originated with the Hmong Hill Tribe…and for like 2000 years – their community is like… the healthiest in the world.”

I nodded my head in solitude, looked into her green eyes – and smiled vacantly.

“Sure, whatever you want,” I said.

She smiled and went back to drawing octagonal prisms in her sketch book.

Rainbeaux’s genius “save the planet” idea was to purchase 100 cloth swatches as her permanent toilet paper – and to just simply wash them at a laundromat whenever everything got dirty… I was secretly disgusted by this entire hippie dream of hers, but I went along with it for the time being because, well… she was cute and we were 19-years-old… and that’s just the kind of shit you do at that age… Especially when your “Are you a REAL hippie?” status is in question by a beautiful woman wearing patchouli and a tie-dyed sundress.

Not the way to start your day

So, after I announced that I would support her toilet paper protest, she made me promise her I would give up toilet paper myself.

I promised her I would.

A minute later, she told me that I was “a real mystic” and then for the next 30 minutes, we made love listening to her $750 dollar Natural Sound Machine from The Sharper Image.

Of course, around 3:30 a.m. I woke up and rushed to her dorm’s community bathroom because I had to take a massive crap… And when I was done, I had torn through about a half a roll of Charmin Double Ply…

“Rainbeaux,” of course, wasn’t her real name. She was born “Hannah Gurlin” and she had grown up rather wealthy in Highland Park, Illinois, beneath the tutelage of a father who encouraged horseback riding as a a hobby and an older brother with a weed connection and a penchant for the Grateful Dead. After turning down offers from multiple respectable schools in the midwest, she had decided to attend UCSB (UC Santa Barbara) as a way to major in creative writing while enjoying the Southern California party lifestyle. We first met at a Big Head Todd and the Monsters concert during our freshman year, in one of those moments when the cute girl next to you singing along to the song Bittersweet made you feel like anything on the planet was possible…
Our eyes met as we sang together: “We work our way arouuuuund each other… as we tremble and we bleed…”

These were the deep connections that could make any lovelorn college kid in the 90’s soul fall head over heels.

After the show, Rainbeaux and I exchanged phone numbers – and we eventually met up again at a Dave Matthews Band show that spring…

A month later we went to a Phish concert… and that night we ended up sleeping together while listening to Mazzy Star Fade Into You. As we laid in bed, we discussed my theory that “The 90’s were just the 60’s Upside Down…” It seemed real, it seemed perfect and we both thought we had a once in a lifetime connection.

Of course, no long-lasting relationship that begins at a Big Head Todd concert can ever be expected to last.

Our relationship peaked when we embarked on an epic five-city West Coast Phish Tour – where we exchanged words of “LOVE” following a post-show Shoreline house party that as I recall, was crawling with ecstasy and Parliament Lights.

And then, a week later… was when Rainbeaux gave up using toilet paper.

Rainbeaux was the type of woman that you fell in love with in your 20’s. She had a zest for life, could party with anybody and it didn’t hurt that her dad was always sending her money. (Back then rich trust-fund hippies like this were referred to as “Trustafarians.”) But eventually, the hippie dream, much like it did to our parent’s generation, turned on us.

My main concern was not flunking out of school. (I wanted to make sure my dad’s tuition checks were going towards something besides my social life).

Rainbeaux’s main concern was how she would be able to make the type of money her parents made to support her lifestyle… She claimed she was a “writer…” yet she barely wrote anything. I was the one always writing. She could never seem to get anything down on paper… and it became awkward when she becoming jealous when my short stories, as dumb as they were, began appearing in the pages of my local college humor magazine.

As the used Hmong Hill Hemp Cloth began piling up in a wastebasket near her closet in the dorm room, I stopped wanting to come over. It was … sadly… disgusting. After she noticed that I had not been taking any cloth with me when I went to the bathroom, I came clean and was forced to admit that I was actually guilty of using “pre-fab” toilet paper. She was unhappy. I told her that after spending a few days on the Hmong Hill… I needed to hike back DOWN to reality.

She cringed, asked me to consider “her feelings” and I told her I didn’t think I could continue following her experiment. A few days later we broke up.

That was it. College went on. I drifted into my dreams and she did the same. We lost track of each other.

It had been nearly 20 years since I had been in touch with Rainbeaux, even after doing some embarrassing social media stalking…

I could never find her… Not online, not on Facebook… I even checked obituaries. There was no sign of Rainbeaux’s or Hannah Gurlin’s existence anywhere.

Until last week – when DEAD AND COMPANY came to the Hollywood Bowl right by my house here in Los Angeles.

My brother and another friend, Mark (Who was once arrested for dealing nitrous balloons at a Grateful Dead concert in 1989), had all gone to the Dead and Company show hoping to relive any slice of our youth that had faded as quickly as adulthood had arrived. John Mayer was playing Jerry Garcia’s parts and the band I fell in love with as a kid was playing better than ever.

Amazingly, Mark revealed to me that he had a fake business license for about five years in the late 80’s that let him pass as a FROZEN YOGURT SHOP OWNER – Basically, he would take his fake yogurt license into a legitimate NITROUS DEALER and procure as big of a nitrous tank as he could, claiming that his “Chocolate/Vanilla Swirl” was super popular and that he needed to buy the max amount of nitrous to get back to Sacramento.

It worked for a while, but eventually, his drug dealing days caught up with him and Mark was arrested at an early 90’s Grateful Dead show in Irvine. For his crime, he paid a thousand dollars and did 100 hours of community service.

To this day, he fucking hates frozen yogurt

Lotta these dudes in the parking lot

Anyway, the three of us jumped out of our Lyft around Highland and Hollywood and embraced the free flowing beauty of the “Shakedown Street” parking lot scene where I quickly spent way too much money on a collectible “Arizona Dead Pin” and some $5.00 bootleg t-shirts…

After vaping and laughing and walking around for a minute, Mark pointed out about 100 plus “balloon dealers” openly distributing the gas on the premises – as if we were at a dental convention and we all needed emergency root canals…

All of this was shocking, not only because of the notorious Grateful Dead parking lot trouble that has existed in the past – but because when Mark was arrested 20-years-earlier, he had merely sold one balloon and was caught, cuffed and carried out…

Back then, the cops didn’t believe his story that he owned a Frozen Yogurt shop. Maybe it was because when they asked for the name of it, he replied “IKO IKO FROYO.” (Apparently the cops giggled at this before arresting him).

Discarded balloons everywhere

At the Hollywood Bowl, the cops didn’t seem to give a SHIT about anything going on. I counted 15 nitrous dealers, countless weed dealers, girls offering K, shrooms, molly… there were even makeshift pop-up bars operating on picnic tables where you could buy any mixed drink you wanted. It was insane. About the only thing I didn’t see for sale in that parking lot was a black market kidney.

And then, through the crowd, I saw RAINBEAUX.

I wasn’t sure if it was her at first, but I certainly remembered her eyes. Green, maybe a bit grey now, but still gorgeous. I watched her flit about some friends for a second in a yellow sundress before realizing that YES, it was her… the only obvious difference I noticed, was that she now had two little children wrapped around her legs.

No matter what, when you see an ex-girlfriend with their children, it makes you think about a lot of shit…

I decided to say hello, and walked up to where she was standing.

“Are you RAINBEAUX by any chance?” I said to her as she was least expecting a conversation.

She lit up. She turned around. She stared at me…

“Oh my God… Zach Selwyn?” She said.

I felt like Al Pacino in Carlito’s Way when his ex recognizes him after getting out of prison.

Charlie? Hello Gail…

“Hi,” I mustered… “I knew that was you.”

We hugged for a while – one of those “what could have been” hugs… and she quickly introduced me to her kids – Saffron and, her youngest – a kid named… ZACHARY. She said he was not named after me.

Secretly, I didn’t believe her.

We hugged again. Deeply. She told me that she hadn’t been “Rainbeaux” for a long time. She was back to being known as… “Hannah.”

She asked me about everything – especially how my writing was going.

“Yeah, it’s fine, I guess,” I meekly admitted. “I just post stuff online and write songs and, whatever, it’s a long story.”

I asked her about her writing career. She said she never had the guts to pursue it. She had been teaching Neo-natal yoga in Poway and was married to a dermatologist.

“Wow, didn’t expect that,” I said.

I thought Rainbeaux would marry a guy like this…

We rambled on for a moment, talking about what songs we were hoping to hear that night. I was hoping for Estimated Prophet.

“You know, Estimated was my official battle cry/anthem when I moved to LA – telling all my friends and family not to worry about me,” I said before singing out the lyrics, “California! Preaching on the burning shore…”

She smiled. “I remember… Do you remember how much I loved that song Bittersweet by Big Head Todd and the Monsters?”

I stared into her eyes as her daughter ran back up and hugged her.

“Of course I do,” I said. She smiled.

After I introduced her to my friends, she said good-bye, scooped up her daughter and began to walk away. As she was 10 feet or so up the sidewalk, I had to ask her one final question that had been bugging me for years…

“Hey, Hannah…” I said. “Are you still on that ‘Toilet Paper Protest’?”

She stopped, turned towards me and flashed kind smile before responding…

“Haha – NO,” she laughed. “I’m going through about, like – a box a half of baby wipes a week.”

I raised my beer in her direction and nodded my head.

“Me too.”

As I watched the concert that night, I thought often of the days I spent with Rainbeaux, and I began to think that I should have brought my own children to the show with me…

Until some guy behind me passed me a Nitrous balloon and said it would make me feel like “God was licking my ass.”

I’ll just let my kids have their own experiences…

STREAM ZACH’S NEW ALBUM “HACIENDA” EVERYWHERE NOW!

bukowski dead and company fiction Grateful Dead Hot hippie girl humor john mayer Sedaris writing Zach Selwyn
The author, detained by security for being a Yankees fan in LA.

By Zach Selwyn

I never knew that being drunk in a grocery store could be so much fun.

A couple of years ago, the Gelson’s at Franklin and Bronson decided to take out their magazine section and build a bar. Replete with rotating beer taps, three large TV screens, wine options and a full menu, it has slowly become the place to be seen in the Franklin Village neighborhood. And, it may not only be the best sports bar in Los Angeles… but also one of the best watering holes in the city today.

It just happens to be in a grocery store. And I was almost arrested there a few weeks back.

I first sat down at the Gelson’s Wine Bar a few Mondays ago, after purchasing a rotisserie chicken at the checkout stand. My sole intention was to check the score of the football game and head home. But, I started talking to a guy next to me named Tom. Two hours later, Tom and I were Instagram friends, I was on a first name basis with the bartender and I had devoured the entire chicken with my hands all while downing seven Hazy IPA’s.

Tom and I made a pact to come back for every Monday night game, and we agreed to each bring friends next time. Within weeks, the bar was standing room only, and we began having to show up two hours before the game started to even secure a seat.

Gelson’s has become the new No Vacancy.

Like the residents of this city, Los Angeles area grocery stores have ther own personalities. Hollywood folks know Rock ‘n’ Roll Ralph’s from the days when hair metal Gods slogged down the aisles with jugs of vodka in their hands… Influencers and Yoga Moms have made Erewhon the best place to be seen in LA and places like Trader Joe’s are full of everyday people buying cheap booze while mixing in a festive box of Peppermint Joe-Joe’s. Gelson’s has managed to remain innocuous, casually overcharging customers for basic foods and thriving in their deli counter and produce sections. As a grocery store, Gelson’s is a notch above, say, a Ralphs or a Vons, but they don’t have a smoothie bar or a massage chair, like Whole Foods or other gourmet stores. They do, however, happen to have the hottest bar in the city.

“I love it here,” a girl named Samantha told me after taking advantage of a two-dollars-off-draft-beer special. “It’s not dark, they don’t tax you and the food is decent. Plus, you just feel… safe.”

Samantha had a good point. What makes the Gelson’s Bar interesting and affordable is the fact that they are not allowed to add sales tax to bar bills and they refuse to let the customer tip the bartender. That’s a far cry from last week, when a bar on Cahuenga automatically added a 30 percent gratuity to my $23.00 bartab. The service wasn’t even good and the bartender complained about her dying acting career the entire time. And now, with everybody from fast food counter employees to Uber drivers expecting 20 to 30 percent tips on everything they do, it’s refreshing to be able to follow the old standard rules… Tip one dollar a drink. ( I normally go a little above and beyond this but I refuse to pay an extra $12.00 on an alcoholic beverage that is already marked up by 75 percent).

Also, there is a security guard, who I got to know fairly well after yelling obscenities at Dodgers players on TV during game three of the World Series a few weeks back. (For the record, I was detained for 20 minutes and told to not return until the series was over.)

“I totally understand… but can I pay for my chicken wings first?” I asked.

In Los Angeles, hot bars come and go. I still long for the days of Daddy’s, Dublin’s or even the old Powerhouse. But, did I ever think that I would choose to go grab a beer at a grocery store over, say, La Poubelle? No. But, where else can you shop for groceries and have four drinks while catching a Lakers game? Not to mention, the clientele is somewhat of a higher class than your average dive bar, which has been a a nice change from a place like the Frolic Room where two weeks ago a guy tried to get me to buy a tamale out of his coat pocket.

The fun thing is the sheer novelty of drinking in a grocery store. It actually puts everybody in a better mood. Jokes are made, drinks are bought and discussion often turns to what other institutions need a bar on the premise. (Most obvious suggestions have been laundromats and The DMV). Drinking at Gelson’s is a little like drinking in an airport. Everybody is in a good mood because they are bonding over the fact that the same place where they buy nine dollar boxes of Cinamon Toast Crunch for their kids also serves a Pineapple Cider for the same price.

As a parent of a young child back in the day I would often be asked to run to Gelson’s to get diapers when we ran out. I happily obliged my wife’s request, because I knew I could sneak into the Birds Bar with my neighbor for two quick beers. Sometimes I think about what would have happened if Gelson’s had a bar back then? I may have never made it home.

The one knock on the bar is that it is super bright, and does not do any favors for the beer goggle wearing crowd. In fact, it’s impossibly fluorescent at times so there is no hiding your age, wrinkles or skin damage the way a dark bar might do. If Casa Vega feels like midnight at 1:00 in the afternoon, the Gelson’s bar feels like a racquetball court at 9 AM. However, the people watching is incredible, local shoppers often scoff at your party following their trip through the meat section and it becomes really fun to try and convince customers to ditch their shopping list and join you for a quick beer. Last week, we successfully got a local friend who was picking up sushi for his family to delay his return home with two glasses of wine at the bar. He has since become a regular.

For years places like Whole Foods have had wine bars or beer tasting areas in their midst. But I have never sat down at Whole Foods intentionally with the goal of getting hammered. At Gelson’s, I recommend taking advantage of the Tuesday night non-corkage fee, where you can buy a $15.00 bottle in the store and drink it at the bar while watching the NBA. Sure, the trend these days for men my age is to stay at home and be responsible adults, but every once in a while a new bar in Los Angeles pops up that everybody gets excited about. I never thought it would be at the Gelson’s grocery store up the street from my house, but I am actually thrilled to say it has.

Come find me whenever you are ready. I’ll be the guy eating a rotisserie chicken with a bottle of wine yelling angrily at the three large TV screens.

Longhauler by Bublles & the Shitrockers Streaming now! Five songs written by Zach!

bars beer Cocktails comedy writing Dodgers food LA MAG Laist Los Angeles restaurants socal travel Yankees Zach Selwyn
The wait is almost over! Missi Pyle & Zach Selwyn are this week’s guests and we play “Fake or Florida” – here’s a preview! http://bit.ly/1LaN6u0

Posted by Anna Faris is Unqualified on Monday, March 7, 2016

Download the episode TOMORROW!!!

Anna Faris Anna Faris is Unqualified funny Missi Pyle Mom Podcasts Sim Sarna Zach Selwyn
DOWNLOAD ALBUM HERE!hungover at disneyland TRACK LISTING:

The Only Gym That I Like to hit (Jim Beam).

LA Ski Hat Weather.

Bad Night in Bro Country.

Yo Jay-Z! (Be My Manager).

The Web MD Song.

Dudes.

Hungover at Disneyland.

Too Old for Molly, To Young for LSD.

Kirk Cameron vs. Charles Darwin

Gramma on the Front Porch!

Look for it soon on itunes and beyond!!!
Hey guys! I’m finally able to announce the release of my second novel “DROP DEAD GORGEOUS” – today on KINDLE! If you’re a digital reader, please take a look and enjoy! Sample chapters available in the link. Hard copies will be available in a week or so – so thank you all for your support! This is the official SEQUEL to “Austin Translation” – when Rob Stoner travels to Nashville to solve the mysterious suicide of his ex-girfriend. It’s murder, mystery and mayhem in Music City!

DROP DEAD GORGEOUS: AKA THE NASHVILLIANS

When True Crime Podcaster Rob Stoner is summoned to Nashville to investigate the mysterious suicide of his ex-girlfriend from 20 years ago, he suddenly finds himself making his way through Music City still holding onto lost dreams of his own music stardom. Things get even crazier when he discovers that his ex was holding a piece of paper in her hand with his phone number on it when she died. Now, Rob has to solve the crime, navigate his way around the shady side of the music business and try to get it all done without losing his marriage, his career and his mind…

PRAISE FOR “DROP DEAD GORGEOUS”

“I voiced a character in a musical comedy podcast which Zach wrote and produced. I thoroughly enjoyed collaborating with Zach, but felt strongly that the project was lacking the comedic device of death. I’m glad to see that Zach has combined all elements into this fast-paced murder comedy set in Music City.”

– Will Sasso, actor

xoxo MUCH LOVE!

Anthony Bourdain Austin translation Comedy Drop Dead Gorgeous funny humor hunter s. thompson Kinky Friedman Novel Phillip Marlowe Raymond Chandler Will Sasso Zach Selwyn
americana country-rock guitar Hores i see hawks in LA Music townes van zandt
Eleven songs. Eight originals. Three covers. <a href="http://<iframe style="border-radius:12px" src="https://open.spotify.com/embed/album/39PZMOuSqUTiqLSnmO2FY5?utm_source=generator" width="100%" height="352" frameBorder="0" allowfullscreen="" allow="autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; fullscreen; picture-in-picture" loading="lazy">Get your Fresh Linen everywhere now!

<a href="http://<iframe style="border-radius:12px" src="https://open.spotify.com/embed/album/39PZMOuSqUTiqLSnmO2FY5?utm_source=generator" width="100%" height="352" frameBorder="0" allowfullscreen="" allow="autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; fullscreen; picture-in-picture" loading="lazy">STREAM HERE!

jason isbell Los Angeles Music steve earle tom petty Zach Selwyn Zachariah
Bartneders country rock Los Angeles Zach Selwyn Zachariah
Rodeo Zach is back… and the new single is BLOWING UP. Everywhere. Check the video out and demand to see Zach on tour either solo or with Bubbles and the Shitrockers!!!

Adam Sandler Bo Burnham Comedy funny humor Jack Black lonely Island Los Angeles Netflix SNL Zach Selwyn Zachariah