Zach Selwyn

Actor. Musician. Host. Writer. Dinner Guest.

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    Antonio Brown? Punching refs? Mitch McGary going all 420? You’re on blast with Zach and his TBS web series “Out of Control Athletes of the Week.”

    Antonio Brown Comedy funny humor improv MLB NBA NFL Steelers Westbrook Zach Selwyn
  • Re-Examining the 1997 NBA Draft – If I Had Been Selected…
    (Originally published @Nerdist Sports 2017) At the end of my senior year in college – despite having not played organized basketball since high school and maintaining a 1.8 blood alcohol level for four years straight, my friends dared me to declare for the NBA draft. I wrote an official letter the NBA commissioner David Stern and presented my accolades: Six-foot-two. 3.8 G.P.A. Fraternity scoring leader and dunk contest winner on the 8-foot hoop in the parking lot. I wasn’t selected. Looking back now, I have to argue that I might have been a better pick than 75% of the players in the 1997 NBA draft. Sure, the draft produced perennial all-stars Tim Duncan (#1), Chauncey Billups (#3) and Tracy McGrady (#9), but for every one of those guys, there are three Ed Elisma’s (#40), Bubba Wells’ (#34) and Ben Pepper’s (#55). Who’s to say that if I was chosen in the late second round I wouldn’t have made a better impact than a guy like 44th pick Cedric Henderson? I was too short to be a forward, my high school position. My handle wasn’t strong enough to compete for a point guard slot, so basically, my only shot was to be drafted as a shooting guard – and my guess is I would have been picked somewhere around 46 – where Orlando took Alabama marksman Eric Washington. (Whose best year came with the Idaho Stampede in the NBA D-League in 2010). Due to some late garbage time minutes, I estimate I would have averaged roughly 1.2 points a game… Which is more than draft picks C.J. Bruton (#52), Roberto Duenas (#57) and Nate Erdmann (#55) ever averaged in their careers. The 11th pick of the draft was a guy named Tariq Abdul-Wahad. Nobody past the top 10 picks truly ever made a big statement in the NBA. Sure, Stephen Jackson (#42) was a key piece to the 2003 Spurs, Bobby Jackson (#23) was a sixth man sparkplug and Mark Blount (#54) was a dependable center for a few teams – but overall, 1997 was pretty mediocre… Even though I once bought into the ESPN theory that Jacque Vaughn (#27) would be the next Allen Iverson. My own personal draft journey began after a two-game playoff run in the annual 1997 fraternity basketball challenge. It was in a game against Pi Kappa Alpha. Their starting point guard tried to take me off the dribble to the left. I stuck my arm just above his bounce and poked the ball free into the open court. I ran after it, scooped it up and laid it in for the victory. My fraternity, Alpha Epsilon Pi had won our first play-off game in 10 years. In our next contest, we gave the brothers of Sigma Alpha Epsilon a good run, and I poured in 21 points. Ultimately, we lost on a late technical foul call when I got kicked out for calling the referee a “dickbag.” It was after that game, while consuming a lot of Natural Light beer, that I decided to declare for the draft. On draft day 1997, I sat on my mother’s couch with baited anticipation as the others had their moments. I ordered some pizza for my family. My mother thought I had lost my mind. As the evening progressed, I had seen enough of the long, tailored mustard and pinstriped suits making their way to the podium to shake David Stern’s hand. I watched as guys like Tony Battie (#5), Danny Fortson (#10) and Antonio Daniels (#4) put on those crisp new NBA caps. I accepted the inevitable as the first round telecast came to an end. The second round was only on the radio, so I sat in my Civic, listening in. “And with the 48th pick in the 1997 NBA Draft, the Washington Bullets select Predrag Drobnjak from KK Partizan, Serbia.” Really? A guy named Predrag was taken? Nobody could even pronounce his name. So what if he was a six-foot-eleven three time Euro League National Champion? I played on the frat tournament second runner-up team! Most of the players from the ’97 draft ended up overseas, injured or, in Ron Mercer’s (#6) case, involved in a strip club assault or two. I was no different – except for the fact that I never played one minute in the NBA. Then again, neither did Serge Zwikker (#29), Mark Sanford (#30) or Gordon Malone (#44). I still think I would have had a shot. Ed. Note: Zach Selwyn currently averages 15.2 points per game in his over 40-YMCA league.
    @nerdist basketball Comedy David Stern NBA NBA Draft sports sports writing tim duncan
  • Episode #17 Missi Pyle & Zach Selwyn

     

    We play “Fake or Florida” and talk about women’s panties…

  • written by Zach Selwyn. Dir. by Adam Siegel.

    https://www.facebook.com/plugins/video.php?href=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.facebook.com%2FTBSNetwork%2Fvideos%2F1263617693679375%2F&show_text=0&width=560

    Comedy funny Seth Menachem sketch SNL TBS UCB Zach Selwyn
  • Someone get this to Bravo and Andy Cohen… #Ozempic

    Andy Cohen Bravo Comedy funny Ozempic Real Housewives SNL Zach Selwyn
  • 420 Comedy high times hiii humor Ian Powell Legacy Cannabis marijuana Mendocino Mendocino Grasslands Ukiah weed writer Yokayo Ranch Zach Selwyn
  • Billy Bob Thornton, Ronnie Wood, Bubbles, Riucky Julian and Randy will all be there… and so will yer boy ZACH! Playing Dwight the dim-witted guitar player, Selwyn also wrote four songs on the album! Check the record link below!!!

    https://open.spotify.com/embed/album/6tS0JOIbiOA1mE4aQTCmOA?utm_source=generator

    Billy Bob Thornton Bubbles & the Shitrockers Comedy country five beer plan funny JP Tremblay Mike Smith Music Pat Roach Robb Wells Ronnie wood Trailer Park Boys Zach Selwyn Zachariah
  • From LA Dispensary and Hiii Magazine. The Full Bush Girlfriened Reunion is here!

    Written/Directed by Zach Selwyn

    Starring Zach Selwyn, Dylan Berry, RJ Robinson, Wendy Selwyn

    (Associated Press) Zach Selwyn’s popular vertical comedy series “LA Dispensary” has spawned a spinoff short film about his 90’s Grunge Band “Full Bush Girlfriend.” The shrt comedy reunited original members Doug, Brandon Horses and Gerbil alongside their one groupie, Molly Slunt. This raucous eight minute film is a nod to indy fillmmakers around the world and to anyone who has ever chased a dream…

    90's Comedy dylan berry funny grunge humor Los Angeles RJ RObinson rock Seattle smashhaus SNL Wendy Selwyn Zach Selwyn
  • Eleven songs. Eight originals. Three covers. <a href="http://<iframe style="border-radius:12px" src="https://open.spotify.com/embed/album/39PZMOuSqUTiqLSnmO2FY5?utm_source=generator&quot; width="100%" height="352" frameBorder="0" allowfullscreen="" allow="autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; fullscreen; picture-in-picture" loading="lazy">Get your Fresh Linen everywhere now!

    <a href="http://<iframe style="border-radius:12px" src="https://open.spotify.com/embed/album/39PZMOuSqUTiqLSnmO2FY5?utm_source=generator&quot; width="100%" height="352" frameBorder="0" allowfullscreen="" allow="autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; fullscreen; picture-in-picture" loading="lazy">STREAM HERE!

    jason isbell Los Angeles Music steve earle tom petty Zach Selwyn Zachariah
  • Hair Transplants are NO JOKE. Rodeo Zach says he shoulda gone to Turkey…

    <iframe width=”560″ height=”315″ src=”https://www.youtube.com/embed/V7RhOEJ__48?si=RUCE05dTOO-4ARbJ&#8221; title=”YouTube video player” frameborder=”0″ allow=”accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share” referrerpolicy=”strict-origin-when-cross-origin” allowfullscreen></iframe>

    Comedy funny hair transplant humor Music SNL turkey Zach Selwyn
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All New Eps. of Guinness World Records Unleashed! Start Nov. 7 on TRUTV!

  • October 15, 2013
  • by zachselwyn
  • · Television · TV Shows

Color Commentator Zach joins co-anchor Liz Smith and host Dan Cortese in a brand new, crazier, braver and funnier season of “GUINNESS WORLD RECORDS UNLEASHED!”

Premieres November 7 on truTV!!!   READ MORE HERE!

GWR unleashed

 LIKE GUINNESS WORLD RECORDS UNLEASHED ON FACEBOOK!

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Comedy Dan Cortese dares Guinness World Records Unleashed GWR hosting new season November 7 records Stuart Claxton truth Trutv Zach Selwyn
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