Zach Selwyn

Actor. Musician. Host. Writer. Dinner Guest.

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    https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/ep-3-scott-macarthur/id1217686743?i=1000383315241&mt=2

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  • Artists Creating Entertainment and Jill Benjamin Events brought Zach in to freestyle for multiple offices in the LA area for Valentines Day, 2024…

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  • <blockquote class=”instagram-media” data-instgrm-captioned data-instgrm-version=”7″ style=” background:#FFF; border:0; border-radius:3px; box-shadow:0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width:658px; padding:0; width:99.375%; width:-webkit-calc(100% – 2px); width:calc(100% – 2px);”>

    <p style=” margin:8px 0 0 0; padding:0 4px;”> <a href=”https://www.instagram.com/p/BZj_BSagq-s/&#8221; style=” color:#000; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px; text-decoration:none; word-wrap:break-word;” target=”_blank”>Got an amazing musical surprise from @zachselwyn and @rahzelthelegend at @interbrand's #BGB2017. Thanks for the impromptu jam session guys! @roywoodjr was rocking out right off screen.</a></p> <p style=” color:#c9c8cd; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px; margin-bottom:0; margin-top:8px; overflow:hidden; padding:8px 0 7px; text-align:center; text-overflow:ellipsis; white-space:nowrap;”>A post shared by Dr. Oz (@dr_oz) on <time style=” font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px;” datetime=”2017-09-27T23:05:12+00:00″>Sep 27, 2017 at 4:05pm PDT</time></p></div></blockquote>
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  • https://www.hiiimag.com/articles/ooh-lala

    So…

    I just had the orgasm of the century. Remember that Mento in a Diet Coke two-liter experiment that exploded on the internet about 15 years ago? Well, no—it wasn’t like that. But it was intense, and one of those “starts three minutes before it ends” kind of orgasms…. And guess what? It wasn’t due to some steamy extramarital affair with some porn star from an XXX adult film called Stranger Thongs…. This was because of the potent cocktail of THC and aphrodisiac properties that are in certain modern cannabis products, mixed with a Livinia Sex Gummy, some terpene-forward flower, and a female pheromone arousal oil. I may have sprained an ankle.

    In the past few years, modern cannabis has refined multiple new products that can enhance one’s sexual libido and appetite to a point where the adjective “purple” can be used to visually describe an erection….

    Okay, let me start at the beginning… HIT LINK TO READ MORE!

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  • By Zach Selwyn

    I can vividly picture the scene taking place on a Newark, New Jersey street corner in 1922… Prohibition is hanging heavily over every boarded up bar and single family household on the block. The streets are full of the penniless, making bedding out of old jackets on the grey and crunchy dirty sidewalk snow. Children are wrapping up nightly stick ball games to return home for dinner as the streets darken with denizens of the nightlife and small time hoods…

    And then suddenly, out of the darkness, trotting up in a horse-drawn buggy, appears Rabbi Levi Zalman, who is suddenly swarmed by scores of men from these homes looking to procure the finest bottle of bootleg wine they can get their hands on. Money is exchanged, prayers are said and the men race home to their families. With every sale, Rabbi Zalman mutters, “Baruch Hashem.” (Blessed be the name of the lord). When it’s all over, Rabbi Zalman rides away a very rich man…

    Of course, Rabbi Levi Zalman is not a Rabbi at all. In fact, he is Jack Joseph Brauer, an out-of-work shoe peddler from East Jersey City who has just unloaded his Government-relegated weekly supply of booze for a shade over $5,000.

    He is also my great-great grandfather. This was his “congregation.”

    Ratified in 1920, the 18th Amendment to the Constitution – which is America’s only Amendment to later be repealed – federally prohibited the manufacture, transportation and sale of alcohol. Of course, this was one of our biggest failures in our short history, and led to the golden age of organized crime, corruption and sheer madness across the country.

    Doing some research (And I am not the first to report this – just giving you some background) Jewish households were allowed a certain amount of wine per household per year. To top that off, if you were a Rabbi, and you lead any type of “congregation” (12 members or more) you were allowed to get as much wine as you wanted for religious purposes at any time you desired… So guess what happened? A lot of “new Rabbis” suddenly started showed up.

    “There were fake Rabbis everywhere,” my grandmother told me years ago before she died. “If you knew 12 people, that was a congregation… why do you think so many people started converting to Judaism during the 20’s? FOR BOOZE.”

    So, when Jack Brauer’s shoe business got hit with hard times in the early 1920’s, he bought some religious robes, sported a fake beard and marched up to the proper Governmental distribution center and bought as much alcohol as he needed… He flipped it in two days and kicked off a successful six-year-run as the biggest “Rabbi Bootlegger” in Newark, New Jersey.

    A few years later, when the American Jewish Committee began cracking down on the large number of fake Rabbi’s, my great-great grandfather Jack was NOT on the suspected fraud list. In fact, he continued to support his family until 1931, just before the Amendment was repealed. How? He had the third largest congregation in New Jersey at the time. (Even though it was 95 percent FAKE.)

    Now, according to the three part documentary Prohibition by Ken Burns, other religions had these loopholes as well. In fact, Priests were ALSO able to purchase liquor for religious ceremonies. Of course, the government could actually reference records to determine if someone claiming to be a Priest actually was a Priest. But Rabbis? There was NO WAY OF TELLING WHO WAS A RABBI.

    RfW_3000x2
    Starting to see why I’m obsessed with this stuff…

    According to writer Daniel Okrent, “Rabbis were suddenly showing up everywhere. Irish Rabbis, Black Rabbis…” Nobody ever doubted their religious claims.

    As is turns out, my grandmother was correct. In the 1920’s, Jewish congregations increased in membership by like, 75 percent. In short? BOOTLEG LIQUOR BUILT MODERN DAY JUDAISM. In fact, I don’t think you can reference a time in history when more NEW Jews suddenly showed up out of the woodwork to embrace Judaism in our nation’s history. No wonder we say prayers over the wine…

    A few years ago, my grandmother Florence passed away. Readers of my stories should be familiar with our adventures together in her later years, which included a trip to the Ace Hotel, smoking medical marijuana and leafing through her old photo albums so she could announce who was presently, “Dead.” When she passed, it was a sad moment, and a week later, our family went through her home to get rid of old useless items…(My grandfather’s 5000 VHS tapes of classic movies) and save valuable ones… (My grandma had always claimed that she had hidden “thousands of dollars in cash” all over the house and that it was our job to find it when she died.)

    Of course, knowing this, we tore open her home like Jesse Pinkman looking for hidden cash in that drug dealer’s condo in the film El Camino…

    My mom and I found some money, but the “thousands of dollars” my grandma promised turned out to be something more like 220 bucks. We also uncovered a lot of jewelry and a stamp collection valued at about $39. So, if you’re the new couple that bought the place? If you ever find some ungodly wad of $100 dollar bills in a crawl space, hit me up…

    Aside for a few of my grandma’s stray Vicodin, which I squirreled away in a jacket pocket, the only other item in the home that really intrigued me was my grandmother’s birth certificate. On it was listed her parent’s names and occupations – (Ruth Brauer-Kaplan – housewife. Jacob Kaplan- Dentist) – as well as her GRANDPARENT’s names and occupations… What intrigued me was the job description as reported to the state of New Jersey by JACK JOSEPH BRAUER –

    His job: RABBI.

    “Wow so Grandma’s story was true?” I asked my Uncle Steve who was helping my mom go through Florence’s old belongings.

    “Yes indeed,” he answered.

    “So was he really a Rabbi?” I asked.

    “Do you know what a ‘Rabbi’ was back then?”

    “I’m guessing a bootlegger?”

    “It’s great getting to know your family, isn’t it?”

    I went into the kitchen and poured myself a large glass of wine. I toasted my grandma on her final journey and raised my glass up to Jack Joseph Brauer – my great-great grandfather who kept so many families buzzed during the dark years of Prohibition…

    “Baruch Hashem,” I said.

    STREAM ZACH’S NEW SONG “Red Fuckin Wine” NOW!

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  • Buy Zach’s Book “Talent Will Get You Nowhere”Talent

    Available Now on Amazon!

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  • From LA Dispensary and Hiii Magazine. The Full Bush Girlfriened Reunion is here!

    Written/Directed by Zach Selwyn

    Starring Zach Selwyn, Dylan Berry, RJ Robinson, Wendy Selwyn

    (Associated Press) Zach Selwyn’s popular vertical comedy series “LA Dispensary” has spawned a spinoff short film about his 90’s Grunge Band “Full Bush Girlfriend.” The shrt comedy reunited original members Doug, Brandon Horses and Gerbil alongside their one groupie, Molly Slunt. This raucous eight minute film is a nod to indy fillmmakers around the world and to anyone who has ever chased a dream…

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Tag: rap

Watch the new NBA Rapdate “Panda” Version!

  • May 10, 2016
  • by zachselwyn
  • · Homepage · Music · NBA Rapdates · Uncategorized

Original song by Designer. This is HOT, though.

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New NBA Rapdate! “Game. Blouses.”

  • April 28, 2016
  • by zachselwyn
  • · Comedy · Homepage · NBA Rapdates

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Watch Zach’s new NBA Rapdate Week 26!

  • April 21, 2016
  • by zachselwyn
  • · Homepage · NBA Rapdates · Sketch Comedy · Uncategorized

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Watch Zach’s New NBA Rapdate! Week 20

  • March 11, 2016
  • by zachselwyn
  • · comedy, music, lyrics, jay-Z, beyonce, blue ivy · Homepage · Music · NBA Rapdates · Uncategorized

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Watch Zach’s new NBA Rapdate!

  • February 24, 2016
  • by zachselwyn
  • · Homepage · NBA Rapdates · Uncategorized

Week 18! ‘Suck it Up Lebron”

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Watch Zach’s New NBA Rapdate Week 17: Dunk Contest!

  • February 18, 2016
  • by zachselwyn
  • · Homepage · NBA Rapdates · Uncategorized

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Watch Zach’s Latest NBA Rapdate “80’s Basketball Shorts”

  • January 4, 2016
  • by zachselwyn
  • · Comedy · Comedy Music News · Homepage · NBA Rapdates · Sketch Comedy

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Watch Zach’s “NBA Rapdate” Week 2!

  • November 11, 2015
  • by zachselwyn
  • · Comedy · Comedy Music News · Hero · Homepage · Music

Zach’s new weekly series “NBA RAPDATE” turns it up a notch this week… check it!

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Watch Zach’s Freestyle From The Hotel Cafe 9-26-15

  • September 29, 2015
  • by zachselwyn
  • · Comedy Music News · Homepage · Music · Zachariah & The Lobos Riders

While were waiting for the direct link – here is a highlight from Zachariah’s show from last Saturday at Hotel Cafe – Enjoy the freestyle!

https://www.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10153229659801242&id=300562279960504

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Watch Zach’s band 2 Scarves Mash up Wiz Khalifa/Blake Shelton! We Dem Boyz… Round Here

  • July 7, 2014
  • by zachselwyn
  • · Comedy · comedy, music, lyrics, jay-Z, beyonce, blue ivy

Waylon Nimoy & Cash Shatner are back with a mashup of “We Dem Boyz” and “Boys Round Here” by Wiz Khalifa & Blake Shelton. Guest starring: Gata from Tyga’s crew. Check it out!

 

 

#2scarves @jinglepunks #wedemboyz @Mistercap

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