Zach Selwyn

Actor. Musician. Host. Writer. Dinner Guest.

  • https://www.hiiimag.com/articles/ooh-lala

    So…

    I just had the orgasm of the century. Remember that Mento in a Diet Coke two-liter experiment that exploded on the internet about 15 years ago? Well, no—it wasn’t like that. But it was intense, and one of those “starts three minutes before it ends” kind of orgasms…. And guess what? It wasn’t due to some steamy extramarital affair with some porn star from an XXX adult film called Stranger Thongs…. This was because of the potent cocktail of THC and aphrodisiac properties that are in certain modern cannabis products, mixed with a Livinia Sex Gummy, some terpene-forward flower, and a female pheromone arousal oil. I may have sprained an ankle.

    In the past few years, modern cannabis has refined multiple new products that can enhance one’s sexual libido and appetite to a point where the adjective “purple” can be used to visually describe an erection….

    Okay, let me start at the beginning… HIT LINK TO READ MORE!

    420 cannabis dispensary edibles funny humor Los Angeles Only Fans Sedaris sex sex toys writing Zach Selwyn
  • The wait is almost over! Missi Pyle & Zach Selwyn are this week’s guests and we play “Fake or Florida” – here’s a preview! http://bit.ly/1LaN6u0

    Posted by Anna Faris is Unqualified on Monday, March 7, 2016

    Download the episode TOMORROW!!!

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  • T-Shirts $25.00 – includes S&H

    z@zachariahmusic.com for more info!

    TANK TOPS $20.00! Includes S&H!!!
    ZACH’S NOVEL! ORDER NOW!

    For signed copies – z@zachariahmusic.com

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  • Re-Examining the 1997 NBA Draft – If I Had Been Selected…
    (Originally published @Nerdist Sports 2017) At the end of my senior year in college – despite having not played organized basketball since high school and maintaining a 1.8 blood alcohol level for four years straight, my friends dared me to declare for the NBA draft. I wrote an official letter the NBA commissioner David Stern and presented my accolades: Six-foot-two. 3.8 G.P.A. Fraternity scoring leader and dunk contest winner on the 8-foot hoop in the parking lot. I wasn’t selected. Looking back now, I have to argue that I might have been a better pick than 75% of the players in the 1997 NBA draft. Sure, the draft produced perennial all-stars Tim Duncan (#1), Chauncey Billups (#3) and Tracy McGrady (#9), but for every one of those guys, there are three Ed Elisma’s (#40), Bubba Wells’ (#34) and Ben Pepper’s (#55). Who’s to say that if I was chosen in the late second round I wouldn’t have made a better impact than a guy like 44th pick Cedric Henderson? I was too short to be a forward, my high school position. My handle wasn’t strong enough to compete for a point guard slot, so basically, my only shot was to be drafted as a shooting guard – and my guess is I would have been picked somewhere around 46 – where Orlando took Alabama marksman Eric Washington. (Whose best year came with the Idaho Stampede in the NBA D-League in 2010). Due to some late garbage time minutes, I estimate I would have averaged roughly 1.2 points a game… Which is more than draft picks C.J. Bruton (#52), Roberto Duenas (#57) and Nate Erdmann (#55) ever averaged in their careers. The 11th pick of the draft was a guy named Tariq Abdul-Wahad. Nobody past the top 10 picks truly ever made a big statement in the NBA. Sure, Stephen Jackson (#42) was a key piece to the 2003 Spurs, Bobby Jackson (#23) was a sixth man sparkplug and Mark Blount (#54) was a dependable center for a few teams – but overall, 1997 was pretty mediocre… Even though I once bought into the ESPN theory that Jacque Vaughn (#27) would be the next Allen Iverson. My own personal draft journey began after a two-game playoff run in the annual 1997 fraternity basketball challenge. It was in a game against Pi Kappa Alpha. Their starting point guard tried to take me off the dribble to the left. I stuck my arm just above his bounce and poked the ball free into the open court. I ran after it, scooped it up and laid it in for the victory. My fraternity, Alpha Epsilon Pi had won our first play-off game in 10 years. In our next contest, we gave the brothers of Sigma Alpha Epsilon a good run, and I poured in 21 points. Ultimately, we lost on a late technical foul call when I got kicked out for calling the referee a “dickbag.” It was after that game, while consuming a lot of Natural Light beer, that I decided to declare for the draft. On draft day 1997, I sat on my mother’s couch with baited anticipation as the others had their moments. I ordered some pizza for my family. My mother thought I had lost my mind. As the evening progressed, I had seen enough of the long, tailored mustard and pinstriped suits making their way to the podium to shake David Stern’s hand. I watched as guys like Tony Battie (#5), Danny Fortson (#10) and Antonio Daniels (#4) put on those crisp new NBA caps. I accepted the inevitable as the first round telecast came to an end. The second round was only on the radio, so I sat in my Civic, listening in. “And with the 48th pick in the 1997 NBA Draft, the Washington Bullets select Predrag Drobnjak from KK Partizan, Serbia.” Really? A guy named Predrag was taken? Nobody could even pronounce his name. So what if he was a six-foot-eleven three time Euro League National Champion? I played on the frat tournament second runner-up team! Most of the players from the ’97 draft ended up overseas, injured or, in Ron Mercer’s (#6) case, involved in a strip club assault or two. I was no different – except for the fact that I never played one minute in the NBA. Then again, neither did Serge Zwikker (#29), Mark Sanford (#30) or Gordon Malone (#44). I still think I would have had a shot. Ed. Note: Zach Selwyn currently averages 15.2 points per game in his over 40-YMCA league.
    @nerdist basketball Comedy David Stern NBA NBA Draft sports sports writing tim duncan
  • T SHIRTS AVAILABLE!
    On Tour in the south April 4,5,9,10 May 2,3 9,10 with the ALL NASHVILLE ROADSHOW!!

  • “LA DISPENSARY” LAUNCHES AS A GROUNDBREAKING VERTICAL INSTAGRAM SERIES EXPLORING LOS ANGELES’ CANNABIS CULTURE

    Los Angeles, CA – The cultural capital of cannabis finally has its own story told on screen. “LA Dispensary”, a new vertical comedy series that premiered on Instagram and YouTube Shorts takes viewers inside the quirky world of a fictional Los Angeles dispensary.

    TRAILER HERE

    Shot entirely in vertical format to match the way audiences consume content on their phones, “LA Dispensary” blends sketch comedy and observational humor from the perspective of two budtenders, played by Megahn Perry and writer/director Zach Selwyn. New guest stars enter the dispo every episode.

    “Cannabis is not just a product —it’s a lifestyle, a culture, and a community,” said Selwyn. “With ‘LA Dispensary’, I wanted to create something that was funny and original – as far as I can tell, this is one of the first vertical comedies out there which I think will be the future of Hollywood now that the studios have all moved to Ireland.”

    The series is designed for quick, binge-worthy viewing on Instagram, making it accessible to a global audience. The first two episodes have been released through Hiii Media’s Instagram @hiiimag – as well as @LADispensaryshow

    For Press Inquiries reach out to Zach@hiiimag.com

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  • https://open.spotify.com/embed/track/13GPmO6r3oBc46TRpaeGNd?utm_source=generator

    attack of the doc Attack of the Show Comedy funny improv Kevin Pereira Olivia Munn Zach Selwyn
  • Zachariah’s new song explores the corporate logo marketing travesty that all of us 90’s kids endure every time we see a Nirvana or Ramones shirt for sale in Target or Wal-Mart. Back in 1992 I had to go to the concert to buy a $30 shirt. Now the logo is on onesies.

    DOWNLOAD SONG HERE! – https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/nirvana-t-shirt-single/id1035706248

    dave grohl kurt cobain nirvana Ramones Zach Selwyn Zachariah t shirt
  • Comedy competition. FYP Dance Dads Dance Moms funny humor Zach Selwyn
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Tag: Bo Burnham

Watch Zach’s New Video for Song “Redneck Dad/Jewish Mother”!

  • February 20, 2025
  • by zachselwyn
  • · Comedy · Comedy MP3's · Comedy Music News · Film/TV · Hero · Homepage · Music · Sketch Comedy

Rodeo Zach is back… and the new single is BLOWING UP. Everywhere. Check the video out and demand to see Zach on tour either solo or with Bubbles and the Shitrockers!!!

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Watch Zach’s new Song/Video “FLORIDA MAN”

  • January 11, 2023
  • by zachselwyn
  • · Comedy · Comedy Music News · Hero · Homepage · Music · Sketch Comedy
Song written using REAL headlines! FLORIDA MAN (c)2023 Desert Hobo Music

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Jackson Hole Weekend Highlights

  • August 2, 2021
  • by zachselwyn
  • · Hero · Homepage · Zachariah & The Lobos Riders

Thanks to the Mangy Moose Saloon for having us for 6 sets in 2 nights!

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